Nothing like confusing a killer whale and a delicious dish

My mom is hilarious and I will miss conversations like this. She and I were discussing the city of San Diego one night over dinner.

Jess: It’s cool there. They have the beach, Legoland (not as cool as the real one in Denmark obviously) and Shamu!

Mom: Oh, you mean like the drug?

Jess: There’s a drug called Shamu?

Mom: Yeah, like Shamu-Shamu??

Jess: What are you talking about?!?

Hilarity for hours! Upon further research, I think she meant shabu shabu, which is delicious Japanese hot pot.

Another reason I’ll miss her is because she knows how to shop. Or as we call it, “investing.” I know I said I needed to cut back on my investing, but I argue that it’s almost my birthday (Feb. 25).

After church last Sunday we decided to go to Nordstrom Rack. With Rack, it’s clearly hit or miss. One day, there will be so many things (all the stuff you wanted in the main store but didn’t want to pay full price for), and the next day will have nothing. She went to get some shoes for herself and while she’s wandering around, she finds these gorgeous purple/reddish Frye Harness boots for $119! In size 6! Oh man, it was just like the wise men finding the Christ child.

Love these already!

The going rate for these fabulous leather boots is about $200, and for good measure. They’re well made and will last for years. The Frye company is the oldest American shoe company still in operation (since 1863), supplying boots for soldiers during the Civil War, Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders and hippies in the 1960s (gotta throw those history tidbits in — it’s a given). They’ve had nearly 150 years to perfect the art of making the best boots.

I’ve only seen them in black and tan in the Nordstrom stores, so it was weird to see the plum already at the Rack.

But what makes things even better is that my mom let me use her $20 Nordstrom note, which brought my boots down to $99. Luck? Or divine intervention?

As the Nordstrom guy said, my mom and I have “black belts in shopping.” That doesn’t even begin to cover it. You may as well call her the grand master. She innately knows how to find the best deals on anything and hold on to her money as much as possible, which makes me believe that my frugal Asian mom and my future Jewish mother-in-law will get along nicely.

I’m also busy working on a Web site for a friend and staying positive about my life.

This is good. If anything, I have perfected the domestic arts. I can make excellent soup, do laundry, iron and navigate public transit.

Or if all else fails, I could end up taking this guy’s approach.


The obvious: spam, irrationally irritation, UGG boots, Wake up with Jess

I’ve been getting a ton of spam DMs on Twitter, and it’s annoying when everyone’s like, “my account got hacked!!1!!111!!!!”

No, it’s not that “oh, poor me, my account was viciously sought out by hackers and I’m totally the victim.” Actually, it’s “I was dumb enough to click a very convincing link I was not expecting and now I am reaping the consequences and placing the blame on everyone except myself.”

You know the site My Mom is a FOB (and the counterpart My Dad is a FOB)? It’s like my mom wrote the entire blog, but not the funny ones. Sometimes I just get so irritated by her. One of my friends from high school told me that I always get irritated easily. And I was like, “some things never change.” But really, you can’t control what people say/do, you can only control how you react to what they say/do. So if my mom keeps saying outrageous stuff, I can a) get offended by it and start an argument b) do nothing, let it slide off and choose to not be offended by it c) write it all down and eventually make it into sitcom (much like Shit My Dad Says) OR d) b and c. Short story: I’m learning that it’s your choice to be offended by something.

Like UGGs, which I choose to not longer offend me. I see why they’re named “UGG” because ugg[h], I just bought these:

Picture 4

UGG Sundance II, via Nordstrom

They’re $243.00 of sheepskin, toasty goodness, but I could only wear them with jeans (no way I am wearing them with a skirt, not how I roll) or if my personal style was boho-chic (which it is not).

I used to be a hater, but my feet and best friend convinced me otherwise. “You’ll never want to take them off your feet again,” she said. But I’m still torn on them. Somehow I still manage to have warm, yet cold feet.

In good news, as much as my interim job annoys me, the best part about working at a smoothie place is making up your own! I recently invented this delicious smoothie, which will take over the smoothie world.

I call it the Wake up with Jess smoothie:

  • 1/8 cup turbinado (raw cane sugar)
  • 1/2 cup blueberries
  • 1 tablespoon peanut butter
  • 1/4 cup granola
  • 1/8 cup yogurt
  • 1 banana
  • 2 cups ice

It’s sweet, nutritious, wholesome and good for you (and your self-esteem). Come in sometime in the morning and I’ll make you a 24oz of goodness for $4.64.